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Friday, January 24, 2014

Spinsters Upon the Day of Reckoning

Sixteen Reasons Why Spinsters Will Survive the First Wave of the Zombie Apocalypse

1. Spinsters are used to surviving on their own. 

2. Spinsters have well-stocked pantries.

3.  Spinsters have access to weaponry and ammo--and have often taken classes to prepare to defend themselves.
4.    Spinsters are natural born leaders, teachers, healers (moms, teachers, nurses/docs.)
5.    Spinsters have a network already established which connects them to other spinsters. Some spinsters communicate telepathically...but most will rely on walk-talkie and short wave, once the com goes down.
6.    Spinsters are brilliant strategists and organizers across any number of disciplines (see number one.)
7.    Spinsters kill their own spiders.
8.    Spinsters keep their cars and homes in working order and have gardens (oftentimes on rooftops.)
9.    Spinsters have a huge supply of candles, matches, batteries, wind-up radios and flashlights on hand.
10.  Spinsters have large supplies of chocolate, brownie mix, wine, gin and tonic, narcotics, motrin, excedrin migraine medicine, toilet paper.
11.  Spinsters have patrol cats already in place who monitor the perimeter of their residences and act as early warning devices in the instance of zombie and/or malefactor incursion.
12.  Spinsters can provide counseling to each other as well as to their small or large band of survivors in order to keep the community mentally alert and prepared to fight to stay alive. Spinsters also have a working knowledge of most anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs once these things are secured from abandoned pharmacies and hospitals.
13.  Spinsters often have medieval weapons such as crossbows, swords, battle axes and maces hanging on their walls--formerly used as show and tell pieces for when they taught Arthurian legend--now perfect for zombie eradication.
14.  Spinsters have large libraries.
15.  Spinsters have an endless supply of paper, pens, and assorted art supplies.
16.  Spinsters have ready made armies prepared to die for each other while protecting the community of survivors: current and former students.

1 comment:

Page said...

Ahhh, the after effects of 6 traumatic months in cliquey Girl Scout Troop....